Oh the Bloody-red-nosed Baron is at it again; you have to give him ten out of ten for sheer perserverance.I wonder if there is a cybernat out there who has added up the total cost to the taxpayer of the noble Lord's indefatigable, and so far futile, search for dirt on the SNP?
Excellent Headlines Conan. I've no idea how much one FOI costs but I'm sure someone has.
ReplyDeleteThanks subrosa, if there is a cybernat equivalent of sm753 or AM2 reading, I think it's worth a pop.
ReplyDeleteTatiehowkers? Wiz wan mahsel wance.
ReplyDeleteWha' saw the tattie howkers,
ReplyDeleteWha' saw them gang awa'?
Wha' saw the tattie howkers,
Marching doon the Broomielaw?
Some of them had bits an' stockin's,
Some of them had nane at a',
Some of them had umberellas
Marching doon the Broomielaw.
Three more stories incoming on the Hootsmon wire:
ReplyDeleteClass size targets will be met
Labour MSPs are outraged at SNP plans to introduce compulsory cannibalism in schools. Under SNP plans, each week pupils will select a member of their class to be slaughtered and eaten. This will help meet SNP targets on reduced class size, and also move towards more schools preparing fresh meals on their own premises. It is expected that the plumpest children will be eaten first, contributing to progress against the problem of childhood obesity. A Labour spokesman said that although the SNP had denied that any such plan was under consideration, there was no smoke without fire and they were calling on Alex Salmond to drop the proposals. Said Ian Gray: ‘Mr Salmond might call this “class size reduction” but we all know what he means. Hard-working families will want the protection from cannibalism that only membership of the Union can supply. Look how Labour’s strategy in Iraq has led to the deaths of hundreds of thousands of children, but not one of those children was eaten – because we have standards, unlike Mr Salmond’s party.’
Salmond’s secret past
Forensic experts within the Labour Party have discovered that Alex Salmond is in fact the notorious war criminal Oberst Kurt Hochen von Waldheim. Software developed by Labour has demonstrated how old photographs of von Waldheim can be morphed into the face of Alex Salmond, suggesting that extensive plastic surgery and artificial anti-aging has been used (Herr Waldheim is 112) to perpetrate the deception. Salmond, or Waldheim as he is now revealed to be, was head of the most notorious nazi extermination camp in Poland, and Labour further claim that the building of such camps by Mr Salmond represented a misuse of both public funds and his personal expenses. They also demanded to know why Mr Salmond had sourced gas chambers from Germany when they could have been obtained from a Scottish manufacturer. Other Labour Party sources claim to have uncovered documents proving that Mr Salmond is in fact Vlad the Impaler, the 15th century Transylvanian nobleman who was the model for Count Dracula.
Clones distorting poll returns
As the SNP’s poll lead over Labour continues to grow, Labour analysts have protested at the SNP’s use of cloned voters. Said a spokesman: ‘We know perfectly well that everyone in Scotland supports Labour unconditionally, so this set us wondering why the SNP get so many votes - even when we fix the postal vote and destroy the register. In the end it was obvious – the SNP found the only person who actually did vote for them and then cloned him many times. Now these clones are outnumbering real voters, and at a referendum could even produce a majority in favour of independence. I have also personally witnessed Alex Salmond change into a large green lizard when he thought no-one was looking. Hard-working Scottish families deserve better than this.’
LoL Vronsky, coming up...
ReplyDelete