Tuesday 13 March 2012

Hootsmon Headlines

Some fun. Could you lot out there think up ten signs of being a cybernat?


  1. An unhealthy interest in Alan Cochrane?

  2. All his/her friends have names like 'bannockburn1314'or 'flippingEck'

  3. Err

    Coming here often, and laughing so much that the tears run doon ma troosers?

    Being banned from The Herald, The BBC, Toryhoose.

    Being moderated off a number of other unionist blogs and having my posts bowdlerised.

    Posting on a number of blogs yesterday that the Flying Dundee Breach of The Peace was the Advocate General during the Megrahi trial and the Solicitor General who decided that no Fatal Accident Enquiry was necessary in the case of the "suicide" of Willie MacRae. Willie MacRae, who apparently shot himself in the head, inconspicuously according to his rescuers, wiped the gun clean of all fingerprints and threw it away after shooting himelf and then emptied his briefcase, the contenets of which are ne'er to be found. And the Polis "lost" the crime scene by 1 mile and had to be corrected by one of Mr MacRae's rescuers so they could find the gun.

    If I was being a CyberNat I would say that he was trying to put up a smokescreen during the leaking of the report into the original conviction of Megrahi and all the stuff the prosecution held back from the defence team. If I was a CyberNat I think that he world need to set all the heather in Scotland alight to make enough smoke.

  4. Ten signs of being a cybernat?

    1. Advocating an independent Scotland on-line.

    2. Having the temerity to produce evidence which supports independence.

    3. Asserting on-line that Scotland can prosper as an independent country.

    4. A failure to understand that independence isn't one of the, "important issues", for Scotland.

    5. A failure to believe that the Labour Party has a divine right to rule in Scotland.

    6. A failure to believe everything Unionist Politcians, especially Labour ones, say.

    7. A failure to swallow everything that the Union supporting journalists and commentors write.

    8. Not having due respect for has-been elder statesmen, e.g (David Steel, George Robertson, Malcolm Bruce etc.)

    9. Frequently pointing out that that there are no Scottish Labour, Conservative or Lib-Dem parties.

    10. Intelligent comments on independence mean direct cybernat control from Dr. Eckvil in his Bute House lair. Denial is proof.

  5. Ten signs of being a cybernat

    (1) they read the HOOTSMAN (Badly)

    (2) they froth at the mouth whilst swivelling their ayes (Madly)

    (3)they imagine they actually speak for the Scottish people even though the vast majority dont vote for the snp

    (4) they are vitriolic haters of well anything not Scottish like err! Tartan

    (5) they are leg biters from way back

    (6) they would cheer to the roof tops Alex Salmond even if he ate a living baby on stage(Bit naughty that one in fact a tad Cybernattish)

    (7) they have very very small penises and very very loud voices

    (8) they can quote verbatim from the McCrone report, and then bite yer leg off.

    (9) they have a secret handshake which involves holding each others dicks even the females
    (10) there are no female members of the
    cybernats only men in skirts he he he

  6. Thanks folks, I knew you would come up with stuff.

    Especially Niko...

  7. Being blocked on Twitter by Tom Harris. ;)

    Being convinced that independence for Scotland does not mean "separating" it from the rest of Britain and wondering out loud where such a large saw would be purchased.

    Wondering why she/they doesn't/don't get messages on her Blackberry from Bute house on how and where to post.

  8. Niko,.

    You've been reading my CV but actually I have a very loud penis and a very small voice.

  9. A Cybernat is someone who:

    1. Reads books instead of watching TV
    2. Has attempted to read a book by Tom Nairn (experiment not repeated)
    3. If forced to read a newspaper, looks only at the letters page
    4. When looking at the letters page, always reads the sender's name first
    5. Doubts that Gerry Hassan can resurrect the Labour Party
    6. Hopes that he's right about this
    7. Makes great lasagna
    8. Knows two verses of Auld Lang Syne, not sure which two
    9. Wants to invade Poland (allegedly)
    10. Is surprised and a little flattered that Lord Foulkes is scared of him

  10. Conan
    Would love to blog you on (already Facebook & retweet your epic stuff). If LPW can upgrade & bung a "Create Link" widget on his updated & rather posh site, bairns, career demands, & dugs permitting, could you do your panting public & potential adepts a similar service?

    Yours in anti-unionist-shyte

  11. Thanks for the ideas. I shall now steal them.


    David, I was on Facebook for a wee while, but frankly it just got a bit confusing for me; could I just make a Facebook page just for the blog?

  12. Mr Brownlie sent me over to report to you Conan, and to apologise for being late. He thinks I'm too posh to recognise a cybernat... Huh!

    Cybernats laugh uncontrollably when Johann Lamont gets to her feet at FMQs and prepares for her inevitable crushing. If they are actually in the chamber at the time, they may have to leave for fear of accidents of an malodorous manner, unbefitting people of their intellectual standing (especially if they are getting on a bit and have weaker muscles).

    Cybernats, are only getting their breath back and wiping their eyes when Ruth gets to her feet and prepares to be flattened. (Same applies about leaving the chamber. But if they can get through Lamont without wetting themselves, they should manage Ruthie,)

    Cybernats are grateful that the PO doesn't always call Willie Rennie, and even when she does, she leaves it long enough for them to have pulled themselves together before he is used to clean the chamber floor, and then rung out and placed back neatly in the cleaning cupboard ready for next week. (He's not really worth peeing yer breeks for.)

    Cybernats can laugh at themselves, and even at Niko's contributions. This proves that cybernats are warm, kindly, feeling people.

  13. Niko: Where did you get that photograph of me?

  14. Cybernats believe that Ian Gray is Director of PR for Subway.
    They believe that Brigadoon was a documentary.
    They believe that George Foulkes is not a figment of an over-heated imagination.

  15. I can't improve on any of the replies Conan.

    However, I'd advise Tris to charge Niko for his copyright photo. :)

  16. You tried getting anything out of Niko, SR? ... Fat chance!