Wednesday 4 March 2009

Going Fishing

Grok and Urak were walking out of the settlement one morning, going fishing.

Grok was carrying a fishing spear, a pole, a net and some hooks, Urak had the rest of the gear.
"How much further?"

he grumbled, starting to sweat under the weight of the large pot of freshly brewed beer.

They passed Brownlie, proudly lugging a full bucket homewards, and hurriedly refused his offer of a drink.

"Why didn't you tell him it was the cow mammoths he was to milk?" Said Urak.

"Where's the fun in that?" Grinned Grok evilly.

They reached the fence, and as usual Tavish was firmly astride it.When asked if he wanted to come he hummed and hawed for so long they left him to it.

They were not long out of the settlement when they became aware they were being followed.

Fooks and Steerpike*Murphy were lurking in some bushes.

"Can we come?" Whined Fooks his eyes greedily gazing at the beer.

"You can come, if you carry the gear."Said Urak sternly, piling it on.

"But you; you are fucking useless at outwitting Salmon, sling yer hook!"

Steerpike slunk off, humiliated again...

*Thanks Monty.


Round the campfire later that night, while Fooks snored away, his arms tightly round the empty pot, Grok said

"Fancy a piece of Sturgeon?"

"Not half" said Urak, smiling.


  1. Sturgeon is very tasty - yum yum.

  2. Quite a brief comment coming from you, Scunnert;-)

  3. Plate of Sturgeon and whips please

    Do apologies for the sexist remarks.and probably(definitely) wouldn't it say to the lady's face.
    Ooo no much to scared of ms Sturgeon sends a quiver down me spine..

    Hold on a mo I'n no fuc#ing poncy conservative MP..

    Nah! i'm a straight up and down guy me Hoi!
    Nicola you want some then eh?

  4. nice Gif conan.........very u

  5. Enjoyed Conan, thanks.

    Tell me niko, are you more up than down or vice versa?

  6. Conan the genius,

    I have n't laughed so much since Niko's last serious posting.

    You were in too much of a hurry to go fishing for me to explain the mammoth under-taking. You will recall that Raquel the Welsh came to help me and the mammoth got so excited he gave her a right mouthful. Sad to say the empty vessel Fooks was cuddling was mine so it will have to be black tea in the morning, lads.

  7. The quote you lifted from my blog and reposted at WW's was, as you well know, from a book 150 years old and was not used by me in any way as part of the discussion on that thread.

    To repost as you did, with the clear implication that was my opinion, is underhanded, dishonest and despicable.


  8. It *was* something you put on your blog; did you write a disclaimer at the end? No, you did not.
    And it's certainly not as despicable as having the opinion that all Scots are inherently rascist to the English.

    When losing an argument, do you always descend into personal abuse?

    I can see what that poor Polish plumber had to put up with.

  9. Colon, this is descending into farce. A disclaimer for what? That extract was posted for anybody who might be vaguely interested in the nature diary, written 150 years ago, by a man rambling through northern Scotland. You know full well it had absolutely no relevance to the discussion on WW's site, but you took it and presented it as though those views were mine. Deliberately. Otherwise, why do it?

    I descend to abuse, in your case, when it is fully justified. The underhanded and thoroughly dishonest intention of your action was obvious; and is evidenced by what followed.

    Nowhere, up to that point, had I expressed any anti-Scottish prejudice, in fact quite the opposite. But after your little piece of fraud I was condemned for it.

    Job done then!

  10. Ex
    Condemned for it out of your own mouth, not mine.

    Dear Mr Browneyes,

    As if it were not enough being mauled by Polish plumbers, now up pops one of the beetle-browed ginger mob, from the biggest council estate in England, with his skirt and his wee sockies and his can of Irn-Bru in one hand and his caber in the other, to say that he and his fellow drunken, crossdressing, wifebeating, larcenous, miscreant fellow tribesmen are not, after all, subsidised off the backs of decent hardworking Englishmen.

    Just because we let you have your own pretend Parliament, in it's own wee wendy house, you Jocks should not go getting ideas above your station.

    Especially not when your contribution to the Economy has been that manifest lunatic from Fife, Gordon the Ruiner; Badger Darling - the Chancellor who couldn't count his own fingers and get the same result twice in a row; HBOS and RBS - about to increase our national debt by 1.5 trillion, and many other obscenities that we really would have preferred you had kept, for your own private misery. These examples are by way of illustration, and should be regarded in any way as a comprehensive catalogue of the incompetence and misery you have so generously inflicted upon us.

    Away now, laddie, yon porridge is getting cold.

    Job certainly done.

  11. A private rant between Brownlie and I, subsequently settled amicably between us, is of no relevance.

    So no, job not done, despite your earlier sly, snide piece of cut and paste fraud.

    You and your ilk represent the very worst of Scotland, you are a disgrace to a great nation, a country for which I have an affection greater than for my own. It has been my experience that you are in no way representative, and long may that continue.

  12. Ex
    A private rant?
    I would suggest a public forum is not the place to deride Scotland and the Scots and expect to get away unchallenged.

    Again you dissemble, I have asked you several times to point out where I have insulted you or any English person, and I am still waiting for an answer.

  13. Ex-apprentice is a lying, two faced git, and a tory to boot. He personifies the very worst elements of the English character. In an independent Scotland he will most likely be deported as persona non gratis.

    Now GTF.

  14. ex-apprentice

    If you regard treating your remarks regarding Scotland with the contempt they deserve, and pointing out to you that I was aware that your statement was in no way representative of the English attitude, is an amicable settlement then you are correct.

    I think this illustrates a degree of innate Scottish politeness and tolerance far removed from your description of Scots.

  15. Oooer! handbags girls handbags

  16. Niko, handbags apart, please give your usual precise clinical analysis of the above discussion...

    In pictures.

  17. I am humbled, still need a translator, but humbled. I know when I'm in the presence of greatness of the taunt. And I thought I was a master at the use of the curse. But this I do know, it's the minor curses that work the best. They take it home and do it themselves and never know what hit them. I call taking the brain out, playing with it, putting it back, only backwards. I find it gives them a knew perspective on life.

    I wish the hell this tracker would top saying I'm from Gillett though. That's another tribe. They're still Ridgerunners, not Flatlanders and they wear their tribal markings differently. Flatlanders? Naw, they end up shooting themselves in the asses, I help sometimes though.

    Are you a Swift or a Twain, humm. Time will tell.

    Want to play a picture game? What are they really doing in the picture for this post? Ever read Poe's the Purloined Letter?

  18. Heh, postpaleo, you are putting me right up there... I think a rather slower Twain.

    Hiding in plain sight hmm...setting up the net for a game of water tennis?

    Only kidding, they are netting waterfowl(clue flying above), but I liked the painting.

  19. Might go in a general direction tomorrow, about 20 minutes away. I didn't see that enjoyed the vices of a fine cigar, at least in your bio., but if I head that direction I'll smoke a cigar for you on Twain's study steps. Sorry no connections to get the keys anymore. If I went to his graveside, I'd have to have a beer and the cigar. Swampblossom would probably pack her bags and leave the same day. Humm, that might work come to think of it.

    I like to think he may have stopped at my house. He would come to this little hole in the woods we call a town sometimes and there is a reason he may have stopped in. Well I like the idea when I smoke a cigar here. Can't get Cubans though, damn it.

    I think you caught a snapper with your net though. ;)

  20. Haven't smoked for decades, but still like the smell of a good cigar. I don't think Sam liked Cuban cigars, so maybe it's just as well.
    You can have the beer for me though;-)